As many readers may already know, there are many different types and forms of the blues. The oldest form is thought to be the Delta blues, which came from ancient Greece. According to The Legend of Tendonitis by Fesces, there were three forms of blues even older than this: Alpha blues, Beta blues, and Gamma blues. There is, however, some information in The Legend of Tendonitis which is obviously untrue, like how supply-side economics works and the five chapters on why cricket is not a boring game. Still, much that appears in The Legend of Tendonitis is confirmed by other sources, so whether these blues really existed or not is a way for historians of the blues and ancient Greece to get government grant money.

Another recently evolved form of blues becoming emergent in the literature, is the Piedmont Blues. Blues analysts and leading psychiatric thinkers postulate that this form of blues arose when the US government deregulated the airline industry, resulting in many carriers going out of business. The first to file for bancruptcy under Chapter 11 was Piedmont Airlines, hence the name. The Piedmont Blues followed the migration path north to DC, drawn by deep rooted hopes of feeding at the public trough. In this sense, Piedmont blues is the blues form closest to opera and classical music.

Recently, the Chicago Blues has resurfaced and, some argue, is stronger than ever. People suffering from Chicago blues are often found in small rooms muttering "Doesn't that jerkoff know the meaning of 'retirement'?" and "Just one bullet..." Those deeply afflicted will also yell at the television for no apparent reason, shouting phrases like "He travelled!", "Principle of verticality!" and "Call the elbow!" If the Chicago blues reaches this point, the only known cure is death by lethal injection.

Another late 20th century variant of this unique folk phenomena is the Blue Jean blues, arising when a blues lover cannot find a pair of Levi's in a comfortable size in the entire metropolitan area, because they were all bought by 5'6" high school kids who think it trendy to carry a packed lunch in their trouser crotch. And on those rare occasions when one actually comes across a pair in an appropriate size, they are either bell-bottoms, chinese imports whose zippers stop working on the first day, or are cost prohibitive due to supply-side economics of the designer label.

The St. Louis Blues are not really the blues at all but rather a date-rape drug.

The Texas blues evolved from the practice of paying thousands of dollars to football players who can't read all the numbers on the gear shift knob of their free car, so only drug dealers and politicians can afford this form of blues. Texas blues can occasionally also be found outside it's home state, particularly amongst people who hate the phrase "woo-wee". In extreme cases, it can cause people to write poetry on public toilet walls, generally starting with the line "Here I sit, buns a-flexin'."

There is also the rarer White Boy Blues, which is a more complex blues style commonly found amongst longtime electric blues fans who worship Stevie Ray Vaughan, but at the same time despise him for all the no-talent child prodigies and wannabes he gave rise to. This blues has a slow boogie feel and often features stanzas like:

My Beamer wouldn't start this morning.
My son didn't get into Yale.
My wife left me for my accountant.
The IRS just threw me in jail.
Uuuuuh-huuuuu-uuuh...
Lord, I got them White Collar Crime Blues.
I may be a prison-bitch now,
But only for Bruno, I ain't no flooze.

Fortunately, practitioners of this form of blues are often ridiculed into silence, for obvious reasons.

Surprisingly, there is also British blues. This can take three forms. The first form is found amongst the British themselves and is thought to arise from the low standard of food. The second form of British blues is found amongst blues fans and their problems with people who shout "Dude!", "Clapton is God!", and "Be quiet, Baywatch is on!" This type of British blues is thought by many to be a much earlier variant of White Boy blues. The third form of British blues is common amongst Mediteranean vacationers, who have to put up with obnoxious British tourists, if you'll pardon the redundancy. This blues is not too deep, though, since the British tourists always have to be back home by Friday to pick up their unemployment checks.

*This scholarly post-modernist re-interpretation of blues origins was blatantly plagiarised from a forgotten source (the editor).